


Halloween Heist

by ThatHydrokinetic



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Gen, based off the recent ep halloveen, dirtyhandsnet secret santa, there's like. a little wylan/jesper but nothing big, this is very short and something i may or may not continue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 08:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13186659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatHydrokinetic/pseuds/ThatHydrokinetic
Summary: It's Halloween at the precinct again, which can only mean one thing: it's time for the battle of the belt. Jesper, Inej, and Matthias are all returning champions, and they're all wary of this year's new contenders.





	Halloween Heist

“Some of you,” Jesper begins, standing at a podium in the front of the meeting room in their police station, “have asked me what got me through prison. Was it my family? Don’t be stupid. Was it knowing that my friends would eventually get me out? Of course not, I never believed in any of you. No; the only thing that kept me sane was planning for the Halloween heist, those many years doing hard time.”

“It was eight weeks,” Nina interjects from where she sits, arms crossed in front of her, overflowing the very air she sits in.

“I also went to prison,” Kaz adds, his posture much straighter, more purposeful than Nina’s relaxed slouch.

“We’re getting off track here,” Jesper says.

“No, we’re not,” Matthias says. “Jesper’s just trying to play the sympathy card so we all go easy on him. I’d rather send you back to prison than see you win.”

“Oookay,” Jesper says. Then, to the crowd in front of him, “This year, we compete for the most elegant and regal of all prizes.”

“A championship cummerbund,” Matthias says, grabbing the belt from where it sat behind him and showing it to the crowd. Jesper’s sure they’re all impressed, just smart enough not to flaunt it.

“Or a belt, as normal people call it,” he interjects.

“Belt!” Matthias exclaims. “I’d like to see the pair of slacks with belt loops large enough for this. No, it’s a cummerbund.”

“Well, whatever it is--”

“Cummerbund.”

“It is inscribed with the words, ‘Amazing human/genius.’ The objective is to have it in your possession at midnight.” 

Inej, standing at Jesper’s left, adds, “This year, the competition is not limited to winners of past heists.”

“That’s right. Any man, or woman, #Resist, can enter,” Jesper says. “It’s open to everyone.”

Nina perks up. “It’s open to anyone?”

“It’s nice that you opened it up to everyone,” Kaz says.

“Thanks,” Matthias says.

“Yeah, we talked about it, and we felt like it was only fair,” Jesper says.

“I was being sarcastic,” Kaz says. “You all suck, and I hope Jesper goes back to jail.”

“Cool. I’m glad everyone feels comfortable joking about that.”

“Not joking.”

“Insult me all you want!” Jesper says. “For I have only this to say: Victory shall be mine!”

Except as he says this last line, Inej joined in, and ends up finishing the last word for him. As Jesper looks at her with a mock affronted look, she just turns to him and smiles. “I heard you practice while you were in the shower. Wylan and I know all of your secrets. Letting me into your life is the worst mistake you’ve ever made.”

“Fun take on our friendship,” he says, but he’s not thrown. This is what the heist is all about.

“I, for one, feel like you are both perfect for each other,” Matthias says.

“Feel like there’s going to be more,” Jesper mutters.

“Because you’re both losers.”

“There it is.”

“None of you stand a chance against me,” Matthias continues. “No courage, no patience, no brains.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing the heist,” says Wylan, playing with the rim of his coffee mug. “I’m out.”

Jesper’s caught between the instinct to pout or to laugh. “Okay. I’m calling bull.”

“Same,” Inej says. “Just like you were out last year?”

“I was out last year!”

“As a set up for this year,” Inej says. “You’re good, Wylan, but not good enough.”

Matthias levels a heavy stare on Wylan. “In fact, you’re an idiot. I should have fired you long ago.”

“What?”

“Relax, babe, chill,” Jesper says. “Now, if everyone would rise. Rise! Like the army of the dead, follow me into the bullpen of destiny.”

The room, albeit haltingly, follows Matthias, Jesper, and Inej to the middle of the station, where a step ladder has been positioned beneath a hook, newly installed in the ceiling. “This heist,” Jesper says, “the belt will not be locked up or hidden away; it will be suspended from the ceiling in plain sight--for all to see.”

“How poetic,” Matthias says. “It will hang just out of reach, like Tantalus’s fruit.”

“Yes, that’s where I got the inspiration from,” Jesper says. Then, he mutters, “definitely not an episode of the Nickelodeon show “Guts”. Inej, will you do the honors?”

Inej nods, and then climbs lithely up the ladder to hang the belt on the hook. “The belt is in place,” she says, hopping down.

Jesper turns to the audience and announces, “Whoever has it at midnight will be declared the--”

And the electricity shuts off, casting the room to black.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all liked it! Check out cat-in-the-pines on tumblr, who asked for this for christmas!


End file.
